


Lost and Found

by LeeMorrigan



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Ash finally gets to take Michael fishing, Ashburn, Dreams, F/M, Longing, Michael goes fishing, Nightmares, Sarek has to save Michael, Saru worries, Space spores, Tilly worries, space is dangerous, time travel is crazy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:08:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25429666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeeMorrigan/pseuds/LeeMorrigan
Summary: When Michael has found the DISCO crew again in the future, they go on a mission to check out a lead about protecting their ship and everyone from Control and possibly being able to go home, only to stumble across something that sends Michael on a trip she never thought she would be able to take, with a person she never thought she would ever see again. How can Michael break free and return to her crew?
Relationships: Michael Burnham & Sarek, Michael Burnham & Sylvia Tilly, Michael Burnham/Ash Tyler | Voq
Comments: 22
Kudos: 22





	1. Dream Vacation

**Author's Note:**

> Triggers: Space spores trapping someone in a dream world, comas, medical emergencies, dealing with past emotional trauma, being lost in space/time, memory loss, fearing the death of a daughter/child, and telepathy.
> 
> Notes: I am not ready to accept Ash x Michael is over, so this is my attempt to give Michael a little more time with Ash Tyler. Partly inspired by she and Ash's conversation about Lake Shasta, partly inspired by a conversation on a Discord server with some other Trekkies.

Warmth. She felt as if she were under a sun, no artificial light quite matched the feeling. And more warmth, at her back. Sand? Michael was not sure.

Michael opened her eyes and found bright, blue sky and a brighter, yellow sun bearing down on her. She flinched a bit, shielding her face with her right hand as she leaned a bit to her left. She needed to get her bearings.

She was on a beach. A human one, by the looks of it. This was not right. _Or was it?_

Michael looked down to see she was still in her Discovery uniform right down to her standard issue shoes. An away mission gone wrong, perhaps? Or maybe she was dreaming. Amanda used to listen to Michael’s dreams when they confused her. Amanda believed dreams were more serious than Sarek did.

Standing, Michael found her eyes had adjusted and she began looking around. No familiar faces or landmarks. This was not somewhere she could ever remember being and yet… it felt f _amiliar_.

Her communicator and any other devices were absent. She felt tired but comfortable otherwise. The warmth from the sun was enough to have most everyone around her in skimpy swimsuits, shorts, sleeveless shirts, large hats, sandals, and sarongs. One pair of women walked with beautifully decorated parasols.

“Michael?”

She swore someone had called her name. A familiar voice. One she had not heard in, well, 930 years.

“Michael?”

Steeling herself with a slow breath, Michael turned. Running towards her, hair flopping as it had when she first met him, was Ash Tyler. She felt her heart thudding, pounding against her ribs. It was not really. Hearts did not function that way, they did not expand that far or they would explode.

Ash ran at her, smiling as she stood rooted to the spot as if her feet had turned to solid stone. Ash Tyler. It had been ages since she had seen him, though she found the more she thought about it, the fuzzier the details were, which made no sense. A minute ago, they had been clear.

He was there. Right in front of her. Smiling, dimple deep in his right cheek above the short beard he was threatening to grow. His eyes were as warm and as shining as ever.

“You’re here?”

She nodded, her words not forthcoming.

“You’re really here? I thought I’d grow old waiting for you.”, he teased.

“Were we supposed to meet?”

His smile faded slightly, as if he were hurt.

“I suppose things have been a little chaotic of late.”, he said softly.

“I’m sorry. I uh… My head seems fuzzy.”

His eyes turned concerned in a heartbeat as his one hand moved to catch hers. The warmth. She had missed his touch more than she could explain.

“Maybe some serious jet-lag and too much time in transporters?”

She nodded.

“Maybe. Where are we?”

“Lake Shasta. I promised you.”

Michael tilted her head, a memory floating through _. Lake’s full of trout this time of year. Ever have fresh, roasted trout?_

“You were going to cook me some fresh roasted trout, as I recall.”

His smile beamed, outshining the very sun in that moment.

“You remembered!”

“I remember a lot of things.”

He sobered slightly, his body moving closer.

“I’m sorry about that, too.”

She shook her head.

“Come on. Can’t have you enjoying a shore leave in your uniform. I’ve got something you can wear till we get you some beach clothes.”

He led her off, still holding her hand. Michael followed along, still feeling as if there were something important she was forgetting. An appointment? Perhaps a favor for Tilly of something she was supposed to pick up before she went to meet Tyler.

Michael shook her head as she walked along the beach with Ash. It would come to her, whatever it was. Forcing it would only push it further away. Amanda had explained that to her once, when she was having trouble with a word and Sarek had suggested she think harder.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Tilly read the monitor. Medical wasn’t her specialty but she knew enough to know that many red and orange lights on the screen was not good. There should have been lots of blues and greens if Michael was alright.

Hugh typed in a command, his brow furrowed in concentration. Tilly watched. They had just gotten Michael back, she couldn’t lose her again. Not now. Not after all they had done.

Saru moved closer, putting an arm over Tilly’s shoulders. She reached up, linking a hand with the one on her shoulder as they watched from the edge of the infirmary.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Michael looked at herself in the full-length mirror. Her legs hung out from the oversized board shorts, an extra-long sleeveless shirt hung off her slender frame, and a thin, flannel shirt lay over her arm. All Ash’s clothes. Even as slim in build as he was, the nine inches of height difference left his clothing too long for her and making her look… childlike.

She looked in the mirror for another moment. There was something else not-right. She had been unable to put her finger on it all afternoon. She touched her hair, feeling as if it might have been a visual cue, that perhaps her hair had shifted. No. That was not it. It was something… bigger.

Michael shook her head again. All afternoon, she had felt off, as if she were forgetting something important. Perhaps she would message Tilly later and see if Tilly could offer a hint. Or advice. Maybe Michael had been at war for so long she had simply forgotten how to relax.

Looking around at the long-term rental Ash had brought her too, Michael felt she was learning new things about her lover. The place was sturdy, an ode to the Rustic Hunting Lodge style with heavy timbers showing in the roof and wide-board floors. There were no antlers, she noticed, only sea-fairing and fish décor. A few small trophies were in a corner cabinet, some holos of fishing trips and sail boats decorated flat surfaces such as the coffee table in the living room and across the mantle of the wood-imitation fireplace.

Stepping out of the bedroom through the door she had left open, Michael took in the rest of the house. It was a floating house, atop the water. She had been somewhat dubious over it after so long on Vulcan. Ash assured her that it was no different than floating through space on a ship, except slightly more predictable.

Michael allowed her hand to run along the back of the sofa. Soft, cotton, overstuffed, with a pattern she recognized as a Greek key symbol. The coffee table was glass and heavy wood on the three legs. The eat-in kitchen had a steel countertop but the barstools at the end were green-leather topped over wood, and the lights reminded her of old maritime paintings she had seen with seeded glass and thin, copper framing.

“Michael?”

Turning, she found Ash in a pair of thin cargo pants and a yellow shirt. His hair was loose, the way she loved to see it and run her fingers through it when they were spending their downtime together. He smiled brightly at her.

“Ready to go shopping?”

“Shopping?”

“Well how else are we going to get you beach-clothes? I don’t have a loom or sewing machine.”, he added with a widening of his grin.

He was teasing her. Michael had missed this.

“Sure. Shopping.”

Stepping over to meet him at the door, she regarded him. There was something different about him here. He was lighter, less weary. Perhaps some time here with him would be just what Stamets would prescribe for her.

Ash reached, catching her hand to keep them tethered. Michael smiled at the connection. The warmth. Ash had always been so warm.

The rest of the afternoon was spent acquiring some clothing for Michael, though she remained in Ash’s borrowed outfit as they roamed. Ash took her to his favorite spot to grab a frozen coffee. Michael had never had one before and enjoyed the new experience. Next, had been a shop to check out some figurines and other knick-knacks, with the idea being that she might pick up something for Amanda and/or Tilly.

They dropped Michael’s new wares at the rental before Ash tugged her along back down the beach. Just as he promised, a secluded spot where hardly anyone else was there. She noticed a small restaurant with a long front deck that allowed patrons to eat on the edge of the water without their table rocking.

“Hungry?”

“A bit.”, she answered, still taking it all in.

“Come on. Larry will be glad to see you. He thinks I made you up.”

“You talk about me?”, she asked as she came to a stop.

Ash stopped with her, still as attuned and in sync with her as he had been when last they parted.

“Of course, I do, Michael. I love you.”

He shook his head, a cloud coming into his eyes. She was reminded of when she had tried to comfort him in his room, when he had claimed being on the Discovery with their crew and with her, had brought him peace.

“I know we’ve been through a lot and it has been too long, Michael… I can’t even believe I’m getting to see you now and to say your name, rather than just prattling on about you to anyone who’ll listen, and… maybe some who don’t.”

She smiled. His free hand reached until it was flat on her hip, his warmth seeping into her flesh.

“I’m glad I finally got to come here.”

“Me, too.”

A light rain began to fall and Ash rushed off, pulling Michael along with him, both of them chuckling. They made it up onto the front covered porch of Larry’s Tavern, before the rain really began to pour down. Michael found herself tucked up into Ash’s front, his arms wrapped around her, a drop of water falling from her nose as she watched the rain.

“Hungry?”

“Yes.”

She felt Ash’s chuckle as much as she heard it.

“Come on. You can try Larry’s surf and turf menu tonight, then tomorrow we can go fishing and catch some trout, so I can make good on my promise to cook you up some fresh, roasted trout.”

“Sounds amazing.”

He smiled down at her.

“I hope it lives up to the hype.”

Even if it were terrible tasting, Michael felt sure she would enjoy the evening. She took Ash’s hand and lead the way into the restaurant. The smell of the shrimp and something like fresh cut tomatoes, was making her mouth water and her stomach rumble.


	2. Getting Through to Michael

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael is still under the effects of the spores as they slowly work to kill her from the inside out, Tilly is still at her bedside, Hugh and Stamets are working double-time trying to save their friend, and somewhere on Vulcan, a father realizes his daughter is in danger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Triggers: Deadly spores, mind-tricks, mind-control, stolen memories, mind-invasion, survivor's guilt, fatherly guilt.
> 
> Notes: Sorry, sorry. This chapter took forever, I know, and it isn't even a bajillion words long. I just had trouble with the stuff with Tilly, sorry.

Michael woke the next morning to find herself in a situation she had not thought to ever be in again. Sun streaming through the windows, in a bed that was not standard-issue from Starfleet or a prison, the air filled with the scent of human coffee. Real coffee, brewing fresh.

She looked over to see Ash laying on his side, watching her. There was a small, happy smile on his lips. A contented smile. Ash couldn’t remember the last time she had seen him with that expression. Too long.

“Morning.”

She looked around. It looked as if it were barely still-morning, to her.

“Before you ask, the coffee is on a timer and I set it back a little last night. We were out so late, and you’re on leave, so I figured it would be alright to let you sleep in a bit.”

She smiled, trying to reassure him that she was not angry.

“Thank you.”

She rolled over onto her side, facing Ash fully. Even when they had been together, they had not gotten much opportunity for a morning such as this. Warmed by the sunshine, leisurely sharing the morning in bed, no job, no mission, no one to barge in.

“When do you go back?”, she asked Ash.

It had occurred to her that he had to be on some sort of leave as well, being a Starfleet officer. Though he seemed well-settled into his rented house. Perhaps he had thought of taking a position at Starfleet Academy, if they would allow it.

“Things are still shaking out for me.”

Michael nodded. She remembered how limbo felt. She had been in limbo several times in life. None of them enjoyable times.

“I’m sorry.”

Ash shook his head, still smiling. That had been one of the things she loved about him. Despite all he had been through, despite how he had been treated, he smiled so brightly and so easily. A small compliment, an offer to share a meal, or just reaching out to take his hand, such small acts could always earn a smile from him.

“You don’t need to apologize for any of it, Michael. Wasn’t your fault.”

She looked around, thinking. She could not truly recall why he was in limbo right now, or why she felt so guilty and sad over it. Michael rubbed at her temple, trying to remember the details. It worried her that she was not able to remember. Perhaps the interruption in her usual sleeping schedule, combined with the prolonged stress she had been under of late, had rendered her… foggy.

Michael shook her head. She was more eloquent than ‘foggy’. More precise. More accurate. Her mental acumen had been on par with Vulcans, she could have gone to the Academy if not for her father’s choice- her or Spock, not both. Then Spock had told the Science Academy to shove it and gone to join her at Starfleet. The little pointy-eared rebel.

Ash leaned, kissing her other temple and drawing her back to the present. Back to him. She smiled.

It felt so good to be back, here with him. Ash's fingers tracing lazy patterns on the skin of her thigh, his bedhead on full display making her think of a lion's mane, with no concern that anyone would interrupt them or require them to leave each other soon. To be able to just lay there, in peace, was something Michael had not expected to have. Let alone to share it with someone.

“Come on, lets get our coffee and then we can attack the day. What do you want to do first? Shop for antiques, hit up a science museum, sit on the porch and stare at the water?”

Michael chuckled a bit as Ash rolled into her, returning her to her back as he kissed her neck and teased with her. This felt so good. To be wrapped in Ash, surrounded by the sound, smell, and touch of him. Michael had missed this so, so much.

“How about breakfast?”, she ventured.

She felt Ash’s laugh as much as she heard it, his face still down in the crook of her neck, arms encircling her.

“Pancakes?”

“Pancakes?”

He peered down at her as he backed up.

“What, you never had a pancake before?”

Michael thought. She could not recall when, or if, she had eaten a pancake.

“I do not… recall?”

It felt weird. She had been human and lived among her human parents for years, Amanda fixed human food for her- as well for herself and Spock at times, and she had eaten at Starfleet. Surely, she had consumed a pancake.

Ash cupped her face, smiling softly as Michael tried to remember. She must have had the dish, at some point. It was a normal, human food.

“Michael?”

She continued to think, wracking her brain.

“Michael? Michael?”

She looked up into Ash’s dark, warm eyes. Somewhere between the color of black tea and walnut. She had missed those eyes.

“It’s alright. Maybe they weren’t very good, so you didn’t bother to catalogue it away. Come on. I promise, mine are unforgettable.”

Michael let Ash tug her up from the bed by the hand, his smile assuring her of an enjoyable meal.

“Will you cook them? You could just use the little replicator?”

He shrugged.

“Natural is better. Besides, we have all day so what’s a few minutes to wait for a real, delicious, home cooked breakfast?”

His logic was sound.

~*~*~*~*~

Tilly watched as Hugh worked at something. If she stopped and thought, she would recall the name of the instrument and exactly what its function was. Just now though, she was too preoccupied with how wan and frail Michael looked in her tube. Because of the spores, Hugh had to place her in a tube while treating her. He couldn’t risk the spores having access to anyone ese.

He had said she could sit beside Michael’s tube overnight. Stamets was working on the tool they were preparing to try to neutralize the spores. Both were working so hard to save Michael and all Tilly could do was sit and talk to her friend’s tube.

“Sorry I’m not helping fix you, Michael. I wish I could.”, she started again while picking at her nails.

“Everyone has been working double-time trying to fix this. It’s my fault and I’m not helping.”

They had just gotten Michael back, in the future, in this strange new place so barely resembling the universe they left behind. Michael’s new friends who had helped her get back to the Discovery, had asked them to investigate a group who held a few pieces of old Federation technology and a couple starships. Except the locals were high xenophobic and worshiped the starships as cradles of gods.

Tilly, Saru, and Michael had gone down to the planet with the idea being to scope it out. See if the rumours were true and if they were, to figure out the next step in their plan. Tilly had been looking at her scanner, reading the information on it, and stepped off the edge of an outcropping. Michael jumped, shoving Tilly aside before she could fall. When they landed, Tilly rolled downhill to Saru. Michael rolled into a bed of strange, mushroom-like fungi. She lost consciousness almost instantly and Saru had to carry her back to the Discovery.

Ever since, her temperature had been steadily rising and according to Hugh’s medical analysis, she was having a very intense dream. One that her brain seemed unwilling to disengage from in order for her to wake. The deeper into the dream she got, the higher her temperature got, and the higher her core temperature rose- the more the spores replicated in her system and further damaged her organs.

“Keep talking to her. It might help to keep her from slipping further into whatever she’s dreaming about.”

“I wonder what she is dreaming about. Is there any way for her computer program to tell us?”

Hugh shook his head.

“Sadly, no.”

Tilly nodded, then tapped on the tube’s side. It felt like glass but wasn’t technically glass. It reminded her of an old fish tank.

“Michael, I know you’re in there. Don’t leave us, okay? We need you. I need you. You’re my best friend.”

Tilly took a deep breath, trying to hold back her tears. She needed to be brave and stay in control. She almost laughed. She could hear Michael coaching her through some Vulcan meditative exercises.

“I’m sorry I didn’t see that outcropping coming to an end. I promise, I’ll be more vigilant on future expeditions. I don’t want either of us to have to come back here.”, she said before looking up at Hugh.

“No offense.”

The doctor offered her a tired, yet kind smile.

“None taken.”

Turning back to Michael, she tried to think of something else to say. Usually talking wasn’t a problem for her. She could always find something to talk about. A regular chatty Kathy. Right now, her chatterbox capabilities were failing her.

“Remember when we met? I put my foot in my mouth right away. You didn’t hold it against me though. You told me later that you liked that I talked too much and too freely, it meant I was probably as honest as a Vulcan. I didn’t know what that meant back then. I had to ask.”

Tilly let out a long breath. She wanted to give Michael a big hug. She wanted to shove some ice cream at her. Anything to make her look healthy again. To get her to smile and be Michael.

Then she remembered something. It was probably from a de-escalation course or maybe debate. Whispering or speaking in a soft, quiet tone, made people naturally curious and less threatened. They would lean in, listening more intently if only for fear of missing something. Tilly decided to drop her voice, hoping to trick Michael’s subconscious to pay more attention to Tilly’s voice and less to her dream.

“I know you can hear me in there, Michael. Hugh told me. I need you to wake up, okay? You can’t keep sleeping. I’m sure whatever you’re dreaming about is wonderful and you deserve a long, good rest but Michael, you need to wake up.”

~*~*~*~

Michael flew forward with a start, her heart racing, breath coming in pants. A hand to her chest felt warm, too warm. Her heart hammered beneath her palm. Someone had begged her to wake up.

Ash came into view, crouched beside her beach lounge chair, his warm hands resting on her hips as he looked up into her eyes. His hands were so warm, like he had been handling hot cups of coffee.

“Michael? Michael, hey, stay with me here Michael. Stay with me.”

She met his eyes again, her breathing slowing once more though her heart still galloped.

“Deep breath in, slow, slow, then out. Slowly, slow. Okay, again. Yeah, that’s it. You’re right here. Right here with me. It’s alright. It’s alright. I’ve got you now.”

She nodded. Ash had her. Ash would never hurt her. He had promised. Then why was there a little voice of doubt, in the back of her mind, she wondered.

“You’re safe with me, Michael.”, he added with a worried expression.

“Yeah…yes. Thank you.”

His smiled widened, the worry fading just a little.

“No need to thank me. We all have those dreams. The ones that make us doubt reality when we wake up, not knowing where or when we are. It’s just a dream, it will fade. It can’t touch you now.”

Michael nodded, leaning forward to rest her head on Ash’s shoulder as she breathed slow, even breaths. Forcing herself to an even keel. Ash’s hand rubbed her back, the warmth seeping into her tight, tense muscles.

“Want something to drink? Or a walk?”

“A walk would be good.”

She looked up to see him smiling back at her. As usual since she arrived, Ash held out a hand to her. He looked so different here. So relaxed. The sandals, shorts, faded Tshirt, with a pair of sunglasses hanging from the collar.

Michael wondered if she looked just as different to him. She wore her new one-piece bathing suit in bright colors, a sarong wrapped at her hips, sitting under the large umbrella their beach chairs were parked below. She figured she had to look so different from the woman who walked into Georgiou’s ship.

She vaguely recalled prison, her jumpsuit and nearly dying during transport. Then, a ship. Bright colors and new people. It was all hazy and seemed to dissipate in her mind like smoke when she tried to concentrate.

“Michael?”

Ash’s face was concerned as he turned back to face her, just as attuned to her as ever. Michael smiled.

“Sorry. I was just thinking.”

His concern morphed to a teasing grin.

“You’re on vacation, Michael. You needn’t so much. Relax. Feel the sunshine, move at the pace of those around you, don’t worry about responsibilities and such. They’ll wait.”

“That how you’re handling your limbo?”

He shrugged as they walked.

“For the most part. Of course, now that I have company, it all seems so unimportant. Worrying about tomorrow, re-examining yesterday over and over. I’d rather just enjoy this moment, right here, right now, with you.”

She leaned her head up against his warm shoulder and let out a slow breath. It felt so good here. With Ash. Michael was beginning to question if she wanted to return when her leave was up.

~*~*~*~*~

Sarek nodded to Amanda as he passed above on his way to his meditation room. She offered her usual smile. It had dimmed a bit, in these last months. First, with Spock’s misadventures and then… Michael. Sarek breathed slowly.

Michael. Their daughter. Adopted and fully human, yet still family. Their responsibility. Theirs to protect.

She had not shrunk from what was needed of her. The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. She and her crew had understood this and had acted accordingly, removing the Discovery from the reach of Control, thusly avoiding catastrophe.

However, this had meant that Amanda, Spock, and Sarek would never again see Michael. It was statistically improbable to assume they would ever hear from her again. She was lost to them. This was the reason for the stillness in their home of late. The reason behind the lack of light in Amanda’s eyes.

Sarek was a Vulcan. Born and educated, trained and serving as an ambassador for Vulcan to the rest of the Federation. Yet, for all his Vulcan nature and conditioning, he found that he understood humans better than he had ever hoped to- Amanda especially.

Spock had some of Amanda’s best qualities and Sarek had done his best to rid the boy of them. The stubbornness had been especially difficult, as well as her talent for sarcasm and her ‘gift’ for getting attached to impossible people. He had also gotten her curiosity and her fierce loyalty. Looking back, Sarek was glad that their son had gotten so many of Amanda’s traits and so few of his own.

Sybok had enough of Sarek in him to get in trouble, yet not enough to get himself back out of the trouble. Not enough to avoid banishment for his desire to know more than just what was offered in school. Michael had arrived just as mixed up and traumatized as Sybok had, and once more, Sarek had failed his child.

He needed the peace of his meditation. Locking himself within his meditation chamber, Sarek moved to take his desired position in the room and folded his body into place. It took precisely 78 seconds to achieve the desired heart rate and other conditions needed for his optimum state of meditation.

He recited his favorite exercises, running the necessary cycles to get his mind in the proper state. Sarek was soon in full meditation, relaxed and calm, at peace. His mind was blank and at rest. He breathed and he existed.

All was calm and well until he felt it. A familiar presence. One he had thought to never feel again.

“Michael?”

It was a glimmer. She was in peril. Her mind was reaching out, her body was tearing apart and her mind sought out familiarity. An anchor.

Working as he had not in an age, Sarek reached out. He extended his mind, using his telepathic Vulcan gift to try to reach his middle child. He pictured her as he had last seen her, solid and brave, scared and unyielding. His Michael.

He needed to connect. To remind her of her training, her logic, and most importantly- her unconquerable spirit. He needed her to save herself, again.


	3. Anchors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Michael be roused from her deadly slumber, or will her fever dream claim her?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes: The final chapter was written after seeing some of the newest season so it mentions a few more specifics of S3 but isn't terribly spoilery (aside from the name of Booker's cat, nothing you wouldn't have gotten from the trailer).
> 
> Triggers: The fever dream, longing, heartbreak. You know, typical Star Trek stuff. This one deals more with the telepathic connections between Vulcan parents and their human kids.
> 
> Thank you for reading, and for sticking with my slow updates. I hope you've enjoyed reading this as much as I've enjoyed writing it! Live long, and prosper!

Michael lay curled into Ash’s chest, his arms encircling her in a cocoon of warmth. She had missed this so bitterly, yet her dreams were not contented and letting her enjoy her nights with Ash. Her dreams were hazy faces and staticy voices, calling for her to come home, to wake up, to fight.

Something was wrong. Michael didn’t know what it was but down in her marrow she _knew_. Her dreams were an indicator from her unconscious mind trying to send a message to her wakeful mind.

Amanda used to explain that to her, when she would dream and be unable to make sense of the images her subconscious threw at her. Amanda would listen intently, her bright eyes kind, then she would explain how the subconscious in humans dealt with things differently but no less efficiently. Problem-solving even in sleep.

Ash’s arms were too-warm. Michael twisted away and out of his arms, moving to sit on the edge of the bed, her bare legs hanging over the edge, her camisole sticking to her back and chest from the dampness of her night sweat. Ash’s warm hand reached for Michaels wrist and she reflectively yanked her hand back.

“Michael?”, came his sleep-slurred question.

She looked over at his tousled, mussed hair and his scrunched up face.

“What’s wrong?”

“Bad dream.”

He sat up, waving his hand to bring up the lights on dim. Despite the distance and the lack of covers, Michael still felt too warm. Hot. Sticky even. Almost like she had a fever.

“Are you alright?”

“I think I’m coming down with something.”

Ash moved, trying to cradle her against his chest, to offer comfort. Michael moved away from him.

“Sorry. Just feeling too warm, and I don’t want to get you sick as well, if I’m falling ill.”

He offered her a smile, making that dimple deepen in his cheek.

“It’s alright. I’ll make you some tea. Always makes me feel better.”

She nodded, letting him walk off towards the kitchen. Michael moved to the bathroom, splashing herself with water. It offered little relief despite how cool Michael set the temperature to.

Again, Michael ordered the temperature of the water, then splashed herself about the face and neck. The water was… warm. She considered.

She was too-hot, sweating even in a room over the ocean with a breeze coming in off the water and no sunshine. Ash’s touch had been so warm that it almost made her ill when he tried to hold her. Now, the water that was supposed to be cold, felt almost as warm as her own skin.

If she were fevered, the cool water should have felt like ice water by comparison. Ash would, of course, increase the warmth too much for her comfort and that confirmed that she was running a slight fever. The feel of the water would suggest she was hypothermic.

Before she could continue, she heard Ash in the bedroom, calling her name. Michael shook her head before calling back to let him know where she was. Perhaps this fever was making her mind… fuzzy.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Tilly watched as more orange lights went red and more red lights began to blink rapidly enough to let her know that they needed to be worried. Michael’s condition was deteriorating, even if Hugh didn’t want to admit it.

“Michael,” she whispered against the not-glass of the tube, “please wake up? Please? I can’t lose anyone else, Michael. Not now. Not after all we’ve been through. Come on, please? Wake up? We’ll have some cake. It is eternal, remember?”

The tears were flowing before she could think to stop them. Then, a cool hand on her shoulder brought Tilly out her of her own head. Saru stood beside her, a tender look on his face.

“Keep talking to her, Tilly.”

She nodded. Shifting to have a better angle for talking to Michael’s face instead of her hip, Tilly continued.

“What flavor cake do you think we should have? Strawberry with cherry frosting? Or maybe banana with coconut flakes and a dark chocolate filling between the layers? Or that blue one, like what we got to celebrate my first birthday on Discovery.”

~*~*~*~*~*~

Michael was walking around the house, all the fans turned on, windows open, and a glass of ice water in her hand. No matter what she did, it felt like she could not get cool enough to be comfortable. Ash had gone to the pharmacy for her and left her with the old remedies.

Letting out a breath, Michael had one last idea. Honestly, she did not know why she hadn’t thought of it sooner. Meditation. Back on Vulcan, it had helped her deal with the hot, dry environment.

Michael moved to the center of the floor and assumed her preferred position. Back at home, she had a stool to help maintain her balance and spinal position while she meditated. Here, she would have to make due.

First, she put her shoulders and hips into alignment. Next, she adjust her chin to be level with the floor, closed her eyes, and breathed. One. Two. Three.

She had been doing this for so long that it could almost be done without thought. She felt the familiar calm washing over her, like a cool compress over a sunburned cheek. All through her body, her muscles relaxed, her skin cooled, and her heart resumed a more natural rhythm.

“Michael?”

She inclined her head towards the…sound? No. Not a sound. An impression.

“Michael?”

“Sarek?”

Michael found herself not in Ash’s bedroom. She was in Sarek’s meditation room, back on Vulcan. Sitting directly in front of Sarek.

“How am I here?”

“Your mind was screaming out. Michael, where are you?”

“With Ash.”

“You can’t be.”

“Why?”

“Think, Michael. Think. Remember.”

She considered. Her skin dampened with sweat as her hands began to shake. Sarek seemed to be closer, yet he had not moved. She could see the worry in his dark eyes.

“We left.”

“Yes. Keep thinking, Michael.”

“No, no. I’m enjoying the shore leave.”

“Michael, you are not.”

“Yes I am! I promise. I’m happy.”

“Think!”

His command caused her to shift away from him, though she did not move. It was as if the room could stretch or shrink. It felt so much like talking to Sarek could be in person, for as long as she had known him. He could be right next to her yet feel a million lightyears away or he could be on the other side of a galaxy yet she could feel him in an echo as she meditated.

“Please, think. When was the last time you saw Ash Tyler?”

“We were leaving.”

“Leaving where?”

“I don’t want to think about it. I’m… so tired.”

She felt herself sway slightly. Sarek’s voice cut through as her mind went gray.

“Michael, use your training. Amanda has always said you have an unconquerable spirit, and she is correct, Michael. Do not abandon yourself to this fate. Fight. Think.”

“I’m just... so tired.”

“I know. Michael, please? For us, fight for us. Do not give in.”

There was a desperation in his tone. Something that shook her core and tore through her mental fog. Sarek did not lose his Vulcan composure easily.

"Concentrate, Michael."

She nodded to him, then closed her eyes. She thought about the shore leave. This wonderful dream vacation she was enjoying.

Showing up in her clothes from Discovery. Ash’s appearance. The lack of specificity in anything Ash talked about with regards to Starfleet or the Klingons. The ever-growing hammering in her heart. The clawing feeling of her dreams. The unsettling, ever-present feeling of wrongness.

How had she missed it? How had she not realized how not-right this situation was? Michael felt an echo of Sarek’s thoughts.

“Think of your anchors, Michael. Think of your anchors.”

She did not know if this was a message from him now or a relevant memory her subconscious was dredging up in a time of need. Michael thought hard. She focused until she could feel her nails digging into her palms and sweating running down between her eyebrows.

She thought of Tilly. Her bright smile and crazy hair. Her waggled eyebrows when she teased Michael, crying on Michael’s shoulder one of the first nights after their jump to the future. Of sharing cake and milk shakes.

She thought of Saru. Wise and patient. The kind smiles he would direct at her when she needed them most. She thought of his greeting her when she finally found her ship and her crew.

Michael thought of Philippa, her mentor and friend. She thought of advice and wisdom, of sneaky smiles and inside jokes between them. And of Georgiou. Always calculating and plotting, always thinking and misleading. Her fierce will and hidden agendas.

Two warm hands held her shoulders, a voice calling her name. Michael ignored it. This was a dream. A nightmare. It was wrong, it was not real.

The feeling of the hands burned at her arms. Her heart thundered and vibrated in her chest. Her lung seemed to gallop after the air. Michael resisted.

It wasn't real. This wasn't Ash, they weren't in Lake Shasta, and she wasn't on shore leave. She had to get home. She had to break free.

She thought of Booker and Grudge, her new anchors in this strange, foreign universe that had grown from the one she left behind. Staments, Hugh, Linus, and others who had made the jump with her. Michael thought of all of her crew and of Discovery herself.

Then, at last, Michael focused her mind on three more anchors. Sarek, Amanda, and Spock. The adoptive parents who took her in and loved her as best they each could, each in their own way. And her brother, whom she had brought much heartbreak to before finally mending things between them.

~*~*~*~*~*~

She flew forward with a gasp of icy air that burned her throat in a different way. Blistering cool against the arid desert. Her hands clawed at the cool, smooth surface they encountered as Michael fought for air.

She flailed and bucked in the tube, trying to call out for her friends. The tube retracted and she nearly pitched herself off the bed and down on the floor, if not for hands. Warm hands, not hot, with cool fingertips.

Looking, she found Tilly’s bright eyes were bloodshot and puffy. Saru’s cool hands were on her shoulder and back. Hugh’s voice issued soft commands for her to breathe and reminding her that she was safe in his infirmary. Michael allowed herself to relax, and let her friends care for her.

“What happened?”

Michael barely recognized the scratchy sound as her own voice.

“You jumped to save me from falling off a cliff. We rolled downhill and you landed in some funky mushrooms, had a small seizure kind of thing, and lost consciousness. Saru had to carry you back here.”

Michael looked over at Hugh, and he nodded before waving some instrument over her.

“You’ve been unconscious for almost four days. Your temperature was rising the further you fell into whatever that dream was, and the warmer you got, the more damage the mushroom spores were doing to your organs. But now that you’re awake, your fever is drastically falling and the damage is being reversed.”

She nodded a bit numbly.

“It was all… just a dream.”

Saru looked up at her.

“What did you dream?”

“I was on shore leave, at Lake Shasta, with Ash.”

Tilly moved to hug Michael. Despite how warm Tilly felt, Michael leaned into her friend’s shoulder, tears forming in the corners of her eyes.

“He was going to fix me home cooked trout. We were in his rental, overlooking the ocean.”

“Sounds peaceful.”, Tilly commented.

“It was.”

“I can see how it would be tempting to stay there.”, Saru added in a compassionate tone.

Michael nodded a bit and Tilly tightened the one-armed hug around Michael’s shoulders.

“What woke you?”, Hugh asked, in a more doctorly fashion as he held yet another device up to scan Michael.

“My anchors.”

“Pardon?”

He probably thought she was brain damaged.

“My anchors. Everyone that keeps me righted.”

Looking up at them, she smiled.

“All of you.”

“All of us?”, Tilly asked, her face now fully wet with tears.

Michael looked at her best friend and roommate.

“All of you.”

~*~*~*~*~*~

Later, laying in her own bunk with her schedule cleared for a couple days to let her recover, Michael pondered. Somehow, despite nearly 1,000 years and millions of lightyears of space, Sarek had been able to touch his mind to Michael’s. It had been much like when he nearly died and she felt the echo from him, but in reverse as she had been the one imperiled and he the rescuer.

Rolling onto her side, Michael pulled up the small holo she had of Sarek and Amanda from a few years ago. Amanda was smiling as always, so kind and comforting. Sarek was imposing and still as expected, but there was just a hint of the softer side of him that Amanda always brought out in her beloved Vulcan.

Rolling through, she pulled another holo that had Ash with Michael, Tilly, and a few others, playing a board game in the mess. They had played as teams to allow more people to play the game. Ash and Tilly had been a team, Michael and Linus a second team, then two more team with three each. Tilly and Ash still won.

Michael reached, trying to trace Ash’s face in the holo. She had done the same with Sarek, Amanda, and Spock. She would never see any of them, ever again.

Her room felt cold, though she knew it to be a combination of her emotional state and her recovery from the mushroom-induced fever. Michael pulled her blankets up closer to her chin as she stared at the stream of holos.

“Goodnight Sarek, Amanda, Spock… Goodbye, Ash.”

She waved the holo off, letting the room fall dark. Michael let out a sigh. Tomorrow, she would get up and she would start getting her sea legs with her crew in this new century. They would figure out what caused the Burn, they would rebuild Starfleet, and they would continue their mission.

Tonight, Michael would rest.


End file.
